Here I Am
by DejaVu113
Summary: A fiction inspired by Yesung's song - Here I Am


'There are only two kind of person in this world. A smart person and a stupid person.

As for you... I am probably a dumb who refuse to let you go."

[Background voice: busy road]

(From a mobile phone's speaker) "Jong Hoon-ssi, where are you? Our project must finish this week. We will have a client meeting next week and our reputation will be on edge."

(From a mobile phone's speaker) "Ya! Answer me! Are you drunk again? Jong Hoon-ssi?"

(From a mobile phone's speaker) "Jong Hoon-ssi?"

Beep…

[End of background voice]

[Background voice : none]

'What day is it?'

'Where am I?'

'I think I am lost.'

'Where are you now?'

I try to balance my steps as I am walking.

Seconds later, suddenly I am pushed and drag by something which makes me stumble hard to the ground. Then it is followed by the long honk and bright light which is nearly blind my eyes.

[Background voice: busy road]

I can feel a drop of warm fluid running to my face then my mouth. Judging from its tank coppery taste it must be blood. Even though my head feel very dizzy, I push myself to sit and look around. I am surprise to find myself sitting on the asphalt ground in the middle of a busy road. I must have been walking on the road.

"Hey! Stupid boy! Get off of my way! Get off! Quickly!" A man who is wearing taxi uniform angrily shouts.

"Watch where you are going!" Warns the man.

'Whatever…'

I stand up, once again balance my step and drag my feet to continue crossing the road.

"Gah.. the young people nowadays are so reckless and un-polite." mutters the man when he starts his car engine and screetchly drive away.

I reach the sidewalk safely. I held up my soju bottle to my mouth. I feel thirsty. It must be still a little left in there. But turns up the bottle neck is the only remaining thing left from my soju. The bottle must be broken whenever I hit the asphalt.

"What a waste." I mutter to myself whenever I toss it to a trash bin.

A sting of pain makes me feel better. Even though my head is throbbing the pain feels good. I feel not too drunk anymore. I can now think clearly.

Just as I assume... as I stumble into a trash bin.

[End of background voice]

This is already past 10 PM, as I let myself wandering aimlessly, when I finally reach the house.

Back when we were still in relationship, I used to stand in front of her house under the lamp street like this waiting her to come down and get me.

I sigh.

She probably doesn't live here anymore. I don't know where she lives now. We had lost contact since that day. I have been trying to forget her in this past 2 years. However, something inside me…

[Flashback]

"Ne-chan, today is so much fun. We must do this again. Not this recent time but later after you finish your last exam we will sneak to that apartment's roof again." I laughed.

"..."

she didn't say anything. I thought she might be just too tired. The exam was horrible, she rarely sleep more than 3 hours a day plus there was also university entrance exam.

"Ne-chan?" I stopped walking and realized that she was not following me. So, I turned back to face her.

She was standing 1 meter away from me.

"Jong Hoon -ssi…"

She never said my name in such formal way like this.

"Mwo?" I smiled.

"We have to break up." She said. Her expression was unreadable.

"No it can't be. This is not part of your prank, isn't it?" I looked at her in disbelief.

She wasn't laughing.

"Cheo.. cheongmal mianhae yo."

So I knew that she was serious.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because we have too…" she said.

It was a bit dark so I couldn't see her true expression. So I decided to walk closer.

"Don't walk any closer! Please stay where you are!" She said.

"W-we break up! Don't you listen to me." She repeated in tremble voice.

I thought she was about to cry. But it turned up she didn't at all. Her expression was hard and unreadable.

"What's wrong?" I asked. "Did I do something wrong? Tell me. I'll do anything to make it up."

"I just can't live this relationship anymore. You are such a burden to me. I don't like to have you around. I feel so insecure. You are annoying. Even I almost can't stand one minute with you."

"This is not fair. If you don't have any feeling toward me…"

She cut my sentence.

"I don't like you. I am sorry. Actually, I have already had a boyfriend. He lives in New York. We've been in relationship since 4 years ago. He is coming today."

She then added hurriedly. "I tell you this because I feel guilty. I can't hold it anymore. Having 2 demanding boyfriends around at the same time is just not easy. So I choose to break up with you."

The fact she just revealed stabbed my heart. Suddenly I felt so hard to breathe. She was the only reason my world revolve for but if she didn't happy with that... what I should do.

"F-fine. We break up."

After I said that, there was a silence between us. Then she left me first without saying any word.

[End of flashback]

Seconds streetch into an hour.

I don't care if I look messy. I am getting use of it. I say to myself as people who pass me throw me a dissaproving glance while pinching their nose. Do I smell that bad?

Then I hear a familiar voice.

"Jong Hoon -ssi..."

I turn and I see her.

'Ne Chan..' I want to call her by her nick name (I used to call her Ne Chan = Neko Chan *cat*) but we are nothing now. She is not my girlfriend anymore.

I see her standing in front of me holding a box. For a minute or two none of us say any words.

Finally, she breaks a silence between us.

"How's Kkoming?"

"Fine." It feels pathetic to hear her ask about my dog first. Doesn't she care about me?

"Are you getting drunk again"

"I do not need to excuse someone because I am a bit drunk, don't I?"

She looks a bit uneasy because of my cynicism tone then she says,

"Whatever then. It is none of my business anymore."

She opens up the box she held. It contains first aid kit. Then she hands me a warm wet towel.

"For your wound." She says without looking at me.

I doubtfully dab it to my forehead where I thought the wound would be but I feel nothing.

She sighs and takes out the wet towel from me. Then she is tiptoeing and put it to my cheek bone.

"Argh…! It stings!" I unconsciously shout as the towel struck my wound.

But I suddenly realize that she is very close. I can see her eyes, nose, and lips. Also sweet brown freckles on her cheek and I can feel her warm breath on my face.

'I miss you.'

I touch her long black hair which she ties loosely. She is still the same person I know.

She must be feeling awkward too as she groggily stop and back to her normal standing position. She untie her hair.

"I come here to tell you to stop this."

"Ne Chan… I…"

"Please stop calling me that too!" She abruptly says.

"I am not your Ne Chan anymore. Our relationship had over."

Then there is silence again. I watch her squeezing her own fingers. She does it whenever she nervous.

"How are you doing? I heard you open an architect firm with your friend." She spoke.

"So you know?" I surprise.

"I-I..." She bit her lower lips then said. "Heard it from a friend."

"I hope you will gain more success."

Then silence again.

"So..."

Whenever I speak, she speak the same word. Then we glance at each other.

There are so much thing I want to tell her. I had known everything.

"I go inside then." She says turning her heels away from me.

"Why Ne-chan? Why did you do that?"

She stop. She inhales deeply then says without looking at me.

"It just because I have to..."

"You lied to me at that time." I state.

"I have too..."

"Why?" I asked.

"For you..."

"Why for me ?"

"Because Jong Hoon oppa is the only stupid person who believe in everything no matter how foolish it is."

"Because Jong Hoon oppa is the kind of person who would not give up on me no matter how hard it become."

"Because Jong Hoon oppa..." her voice become slightly tremble "...is the person who are willing to sacrifice everything including yourself for other people."

"Because Jong Hoon oppa is the only person...

She choke but then suddenly stops.

Only then I realize that she is crying.

"Ne chan..."

"Go away oppa. I hate you."

"I hate you!" She turns her back away from me. Her shoulders is shaking.

"Ne chan..." I never good with words. I suppose to say sweet words to her but I can't say it. Instead of saying words I put my arms around her.

I want to be a person she can turn to whenever she face any problem.

"Ne chan... you don't have to endure it alone anymore. I am with you." I said.

"Even though you will only live for one day more please allow me to stay by your side."

She releases herself from my hug and turning to face me. Her eyes is burning with something like anger and sadness. Slowly she reaches her long hair and peels it away from her head. She is bald.

"I am not the same Ne chan you know."

Then she un-button her shirt. She is wearing a pastel camisole underneath. "See Oppa. I don't have breasts anymore. I am not a woman anymore."

"Please just hate me Oppa!"

Carefully, I reaches her and button her shirt for her. I don't want her to get a cold.

"Please just forget about me and continue with your own life... please..." she whispers helplessly.

I put on her wig and dart a kiss on her forehead. Then I pat her head.

"I said I don't care. This is me Ne chan. This is Jong Hoon Oppa that you hate."

~Fin


End file.
